Finally a Tough Mudder

The day before the Tough Mudder, my teammates were listing off the supplies they packed and the many things in their first aid kits. The only thing I had in my bag was a change of clothes, some baby wipes and Confixer*.

Luckily Pete remembered things like towels, insurance cards, a jug of water for cleanup and snacks for the kids. I had all positive thoughts. There was no way I was getting hurt so I wasn't even going to plan for it. I think in the end, my positive (or positively clueless) attitude helped get me through with only minor scrapes and bruises.

The start was a little crazy. The kids were bawling their eyes out. Wynne because she thought I was going to die. Emmett because he wanted to go back to the car to watch movies and eat s’mores. (At the time I thought he was also worried about me. Pete set me straight later.) But that image stuck with me throughout the course. I cannot die or get hurt or the kids will never trust me again. Mommy guilt does not take a vacation.

The first obstacle was the worst. But it taught me an important lesson -- take a minute before attempting each obstacle to see how it is supposed to be done. I followed my brother, Jason, into the arctic enema without thinking about it. This is a pool of ice water. I now understand why so many people die from hypothermia when they fall in an icy lake.

They should call this obstacle panic attack. I got in and it took my breath away. I couldn’t breathe or think.

I moved forward to a wall. I figured we had to go over it, but then noticed that it was topped with barbed wire.

Then Jason disappeared under the water and came up the other side. I got it. I went under and panic set in even more. I was numb and frozen. I almost couldn’t lift myself out of the water but once I did I was fine. We were only in the water about a minute, but I am still haunted by that feeling three days later. I will NOT be attempting a polar plunge anytime soon.


The next several obstacles were fun. We army crawled in underground tunnels that looked really scary on the website, but in reality weren’t so bad. Again, I followed Jason. I figured I could grab on to his ankles and hitch a ride if things got tough. I didn’t need to do that. Once we got out Julie remembered that the trick was to go through on your back and use the 2x4s at the top to move along.

TM had lots of water stations and bananas. The volunteers peeled them for us which was helpful since our hands were full of mud. Still, they were gritty. Sadly, the port-a-potties smelled better than some of the water/mud pits that we had to walk through. I think they trucked in farm waste for some of the obstacles. They made it more fun by adding potholes in the mud/water pits. Again, I followed right behind someone so I could tell where the holes and big rocks were. I’m still not sure if this makes me very smart or a cheater.

The mud mile looked like it was going to be a blast. And it was. Scale up a slippery hill, slide down into water. Sometimes it is waist deep, sometimes ankle deep. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. That one seemed to go on forever. I have never had so much mud in my butt.

Army crawling under barbed wire was also fun – our teammate Jay made the Tough Mudder Facebook photos – he looks so happy there!

We also army crawled under barbed wire with electric shock streamers dangling down. That was less fun. When it was my turn they said the current was off and we should go – “Green light” they yelled. My heart raced and I don’t think anyone has ever crawled that fast in their life. I was able to avoid hitting most of the streamers, but at the end you had to go through them to get out. I was spared but I heard a few people get zapped. One guy described it as “slightly less painful than being tazed.”

There was a lot of running and slogging through mud. Parts of the course were giant fields that were sectioned off so you could see people in other parts of the TM. It was hard to figure out if you had just been there or if you were about to go there. But you didn’t have much time to look around because there were a lot of rocks and roots and I was trying not to trip. There seemed to be endless hills covered in mud from the storm the night before. Still I was thankful we didn’t have the 80+degrees they had on Saturday. 50s with rain was just fine with me.

 They had some great signs along the way. At the 3.2-mile mark there was a banner that said “Congratulations on completing a Warrior Dash – too bad this is the Tough Mudder and you’ve only just begun.” They also had a sign at the walk the plank promising to push you off the edge if you held up the line. They were not kidding. My sister in law questioned her ability to jump and the volunteer shoved her right into the water. When she looked up at him from the water he shouted “You’re welcome”.

I didn’t get shoved but I was terrified. I’m afraid of heights but went for it. I flapped the whole way down but did not fly.

 The boa constrictor looked really scary on the web site. I followed Julie in. (Again – I was not above hitching a ride.) It started raining really hard and the wind was picking up just before we went it. The tunnels were actually nice. No wind and the water felt good on my sore body. And it didn’t smell like crap. But I got lots of muddy water in my mouth so the feeling of euphoria went away quickly.

Big props to Jason for getting all the way across the both the monkey bars and rings. I used the first ring to launch myself into the water Tarzan-like. It was fun. I couldn’t even reach the monkey bars so I just jumped right into the water. Emmett said they should have put fire under the monkey bars. I hope TM never gives him a job.

There were a few obstacles that I just did not do. Scaling a 12-foot wall didn’t seem like it would be impossible (since there is so much help) but I was worried about the drop and the effect it would have on my knees and ankles. The 20-foot half pipe called Mt. Everest had a 30 minute wait to attempt it. We were frozen and a guy cracked his melon attempting it as we were deciding what to do. We went around.

We conquered a haystack climb, a cargo net, a mile-long trek though fallen trees and sticks, lots of muddy hills and more. Running in wet shoes was not as bad as I thought.


The final obstacle was running through the electric shock streamers. I was back and forth all day about doing this. Luckily Julie was by my side and told me we were going through together. She went faster than me, but I made it. I was zapped a few times (I hope to never know how it compares to being tazed) and Julie said I should get an award for not swearing in front of the kids.

It took our group about four hours to finish (my brother, sister-in-law and their crew were an hour faster and hit all the obstacles).

It never got so grueling that I thought about quitting. I was slower than I would have liked, but all along it was fun. Many thanks to Julie – without her I might have skipped a few more obstacles. I’m sure I would never have made the climb up Walk The Plank without her next to me.

 Will I do it again? I think overall the TM was a little too scary for me. I expected to conquer my fear of heights and confined spaces but I ended up with a new fear of falling into a frozen lake. I see other mud runs in my future but probably less tough, more mud. But it was a great day. I met a goal I’ve been working on forever and spend some real quality time with my siblings. And I think my kids are impressed. Or at least glad that I am still alive.

Julie and me at the finish line. Either I'm standing in a hole or she is about to tip over on me.

 *a leave-in conditioner made by Aveda. It smells awesome.